Those Cap Feels
CN: Mention of the Holocaust, Nazis, and the current political climate; mention of anxiety and suicide.
For all that warning, this post is actually about saying thank you.
Backstory: Over in my capacity as a blogger for The Ace of Geeks, I wrote this piece on why we will not be covering Marvel Comics' Secret Empire>crossover event. I'd love it if you read it, but tl;dr: because I think making superheroes into secret fascists of any stripe, but especially secret Nazis, is too tasteless to give the time of day beyond saying I won't give it the time of day.
I posted this yesterday, and the cloak of dread immediately descended on me. Being anti-Nazi shouldn't be a controversial stance; but, it being 2017 in the Darkest Timeline, Secret Empire has had a legion of apologists standing behind it, insisting we need to give the story a chance, that we're exaggerating how bad it is, and of course that old chestnut, that we're just as bad as them if we infringe on their freedom of speech (which of course we are doing by not listening to them). And riding in the sidecar with that dread was the other dread that every artist feels sometimes: the one where you're afraid that this stand, right here, is the one that torpedoes your career -- a feeling that lingers no matter how small or basic the stand is, no matter where in your career you are, because it's hammered into every artist that any stand at all is career suicide. (A feeling that my dude anxiety only amplifies.)
But it needed to be said (my editor-in-chief and I both agreed), and so said it was, and so dread I did. And sure enough, the initial comments were critical of the decision to varying degrees, most of which I could respond to with "did you read the article?" or "we go into that in the article." I focused on my day job and just tried to accept that people are going to be people. But then, we got into the comments that inspired this post: People thanked us. People supported us. People -- and I want to say, largely women, people of color, LGBT+ people, people whose families fought against and/or died to the Nazis in World War II -- said that it meant a lot that we made this decision. These voices rather vastly outweighed the ones that felt we had done wrong, and they definitely spoke with more emotion than the critics. We -- my words -- had touched them, and we had made a difference for just a little bit. It wasn't the end of The Dead Poets' Society or anything, but it was enough to make it feel like taking a stand of any kind was worth it, and almost as important, that my words have power.
Being a writer is lonely business, and you spend a lot of time feeling not good enough -- the nature of the industry is that you get rejected, a lot, and that successes will tend to be modest, and even when you get a taste of the rarefied air, it's been so difficult getting there that you can wind up feeling you don't deserve it, because how could you after all that? But then sometimes, you touch somebody and you feel like things are worth it; and that is how I have felt every time I've gotten to approve a comment these past two days.
So thank you, friends and loved ones and anonymous Internet commenters, for making me feel loved and supported and like I did a good thing. I hope I continue to do good things in the future. Let's all do good things for ourselves and each other, yeah?